I’ve never questioned my preference for Black men. Since coming to France, I have had to open myself to something new. This happened for several reasons: first, I wanted to be open to finding love despite its packaging, and secondly, out of necessity. What does that mean? After being here for a few months, I realized that when I was out, French brown men did not approach me. Sometimes the dating pool forces you to rethink your usual rules whether you want to or not.

Even when my French friend Gail’s boyfriend, Leonelle, whose parents are from Martinique, introduced me to his friends, I would not be telling the truth if I didn’t say I noticed that all of his brown friends were with French women. There was a lesson for me to learn. Too often African-American women potentially miss out on true love by limiting themselves to only Black men. As the months passed in France, I quickly realized that if I followed that rule, I would be alone here.

My suspicions were confirmed last week while out with Sydney, an American friend, and Alexis, who is from the UK and not brown. We were having drinks at a bar I frequent. Everyone at the bar showered us with attention except one bartender who, ironically, besides us, was the only other person of color. Interestingly enough, that night he began chatting us up immediately. Sydney thought it was because he was interested in Alexis.

Alexis and the bartender went out the next night. After the date she told us that the reason the bartender had not talked to us before was that he said he is not attracted to Black women. I mentioned this to a French guy, Med, who is friends with the bartender. Med thought about it for a second and then dropped a bomb. He said that none of the French Black friends he grew up with are attracted to Black women. I have been thinking about it ever since.